What fresh Hell is this?

1:56PM - Haiku for the morning

Curse the light carton!
Pitch coffee and high, dry grains.
No milk makes for sad.

3:19PM - Venn Twatter

see more Funny Graphs

4:20PM - Monkey's paw

As I struggled with lifting a pan with "the hand formerly known as Dominant" today, I thought "Heh. I did always want to develop bilateral muscular symmetry. But not this way. And not briefly, awhile ago."

C'mon, stem-cell research!!! (frantically waves imaginary wagering stubs)

5:41PM - Dis be me today.

3:12PM

Yellow can go fuck itself.

9:53PM - I had no idea the sentiment ran so high

I was very very confused that there was a category of E-greeting card on Bluemountain of such a vitriolic nature.... my bewilderment lasted at least two seconds. I was a little slow that day.

(That is also the day I managed to get chipotle pepper puree in my eye. Go Team 'Me'.)

8:37PM - Knick knack

When I have searched for something particularly trite[0], or personal[0], or prurient[0], I've been known to throw a word or phrase into Firefox's (upper-right corner)  search box  if I don't want the prevous search staring at me or at passers-by or at subsequent users .  I just pick a term at random to search. 

Just now, flung from my subconscious was "Oompaloompa".  I wonder if I should write these fragmentary terms down, for possible psychological analysis.....  yikes, no.
 

[0] E.g. Puppy-cams, reality teevee, Hall & Oates fansites, no-make celebrity photos, etc.
[0] E.g. Lachanophobia, controlling schadenfreude, the name of the girl I hated in 5th grade, compulsive punctuality, etc.
[0] E.g. Canadian on america action, slash fiction, furryville, picnicwad, hottubcam, etc.

11:29AM - Head....hurting

Apparently "goth" is a "type of trendy sex"
 www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28541939/
I hate you MSNBC, luring me with pictures of cute animals, then making me dumber for reading you.

3:14PM - And the priest says, "Do you think we have time?"

So after last month's "warning shot over the bows" of President Elect Obama for intending to reverse President Bush's ban on federal funding of embryonic stem cell research, the Vatican today released a bioethics document condemning the research altogether. (The paper also said some other downright ig'nant stuff..) The Catholic church seems to be spending quite a bit of time & effort protecting zygotes & embryos & maybe not enough time protecting children & adults?

After my initial joy at hearing the President Obama intends to lift the ban on funding, a subject near and dear to my spine, this news really nauseated me. Resisting research into the alleviation of suffering[0] as part of a doctrine to ensure that one's adherents are scared to choose the number of little people they bring into the world?[1] A doctrine to keep your numbers up? Maybe I'm cynical. But maybe they have erred...

Meanwhile, torrential rain of epic proportions is causing flooding in Rome. Four are reported dead from the flooding, and a state of emergency has been declared. In 1870's catastrophic floods, "the Church hinted the floods were God’s punishment for Italy’s crimes against its pope, who had been locked into the Vatican City after the unification of the country". So God punishes crimes with floods?

I'm just saying.



[0]Back in 2006, the head the group that proposes family-related policy for the Catholic church, Cardinal Trujillo, stated in an interview that "Excommunication <is valid for the women, the doctors and researchers who destroy embryos."

[1]The new document also reaffirms use of an IUD considered the sin of abortion, as is use of "the morning after pill" and the drug RU-486. Freezing embryos is out, and "most forms of artificial fertilization 'are to be excluded' because 'they substitute for the conjugal act ... which alone is truly worthy of responsible procreation'."

2:55PM - Rage... subsiding.....

Me: "This is outrageous! Her conduct is unethical! Imma... imma gonna cut her heart out... with... with...."
Him: "A popsicle stick?"
Me: "Yes!"

Shiba Inu Puppy Cam to the rescue! My blood pressure begins to normalize.

8:31PM - Ma'am, put down the Miracle Whip & back away from the ciabatta

The humor of this escaped me until I saw it through the eyes of someone who hadn't grown up familiar with the town.

From Repository

1:00PM - When will I grow up

Headline from npr.org:

"Obama May Tap Technology Czar"


[snerk]

1:26PM - Hank: I can't find African America anywhere [on this globe]!

"Sarah Palin wasn't aware that Africa was a continent and she and her brood behaved like a band of "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," aides to Republican John McCain are telling prominent news organizations.... She also didn't know the three countries that are in the North American Free Trade Agreement, namely Canada, the U.S. and Mexico."

I think this idiotic princess has done a lot of damage to women in politics, and maybe to women in general. What a creature. Thank the stars McCain didn't let her give a concession speech (it apparently isn't customary for VP candidates to speak on election night, but she wanted to wink, wiggle and 'pew-pew' her way in there).

When I read that McCain's "campaign insiders say they became queasy with the growing knowledge that Palin was desperately unqualified and ill-prepared to be a heartbeat away from the presidency", (something the most of us seemed to detect immediately) I fervently hope I never see her again. I really hope the stories keep coming from the McCain people, so there's no chance of her being tarted up in 2012 as the next Reagan. And that even Joe Six-Pack & Soccer-mom see through her.

Feh.

1:10AM - Men?

Eight years ago, I had the pleasure of seeing John Waters speak in DC. I was half lecture, half standup, and quite extraordinary and funny. I forgotten all about it until recently I saw his "This Filthy World" on ShoTime.

Many of the stories he related were the same. I didn't recall him talking about one of his actresses in "Desperate Living" named Liz Renay. Besides an actress, she was a mobster's girlfriend convicted of perjury for refusing to testify, a stripper with a mother-daughter act, artist and an author of four books, including "How to Attract Men". John Waters related that "How to Attract Men" included such fantastic seduction tips as "be nude and have a bar next to your bed".

All right.

12:02AM - It's not just a quaint way to brush someone off anymore

I once again have been reminded to tout the magical properties of the stain removal product "Kiss Off" after I got little pesto stains out of white sweater. And it was achieved with relatively little effort.

If you engage in any artistic endeavors/hobbies that involve pigments, this stuff is indispensable. I got my first tube bundled with "The Master's" brush cleaner and "The Master's" hand soap. Kiss Off was the all-star of these products and is now my go-to stain remover. Food stain, pigments, dirt... it's better than any pre-treater I've used. (It takes some rubbing with a facecloth and papertowels behind the fabric to soak away the stain. You have to work the stain out, not just apply the product.)

Last week I removed bright red fountain pen ink from a tablecloth. The pen tip had fallen onto the table at an angle & the ink started flowing for awhile before I noticed. Judging by the mostly empty cartridge, soaked in a 1.5 inch diameter stain was at least an 1/8 teaspoon of ink in the cloth, probably more. With Kiss Off, twenty minutes of effort and many papertowels, I was able to get the ink out with virtually no trace.
Da shizzle:

5:43PM - I hope that's mayo

{whilst scouting out possible sites for a pic-a-nic}

me: "I'm hoping that everyone blew their picnic wad last weekend."
him: {snerk} "If I had a blog I'd post that you just said that."
me: "Maybe we should start a LJ named PicnicWad.... no we shouldn't, that could get weird."

8:43PM - Trouble with predictive text messaging #34

1st SMS text message: "I need paddle snap when I get home!"



Quickly followed by 2nd text: "Uh... that was supposed to be 'saddle soap'...."

1:00PM - Nerdy squared

"Tesla Coils Playing the Mario Bros. Theme Song are Unsurprisingly Awesome"


Since childhood, I've had a fascination with Tesla and his scientific developments, as well as the flashes/fits of inspiration and invention that he described (similar to synesthesia). A brilliant Slavic-american with less business sense, he was misunderstood and suffered at the hands of The Man.

My interest in Tesla was also fueled by early childhood exposure to an eight foot Tesla coil and the world's most righteous Van de Graaff generators (yes, that's a person in the little bird cage). (Hrmmm.... no wonder I ended up in engineering school.)

7:03PM - Writer's Block: Smashed

Wow. I usually ignore the 'writer's block' suggestions, but the words 'crowbar' and 'smash' leapt into my visual cortex like a Lisa into a T-topped thundabird.

I would smash my computer (after backing up all my photos) since downloading the new version of iTunes has rendering that program absolutely unusable. It has made moving music onto my new Shuffle an unbearable exercise. My blood pressure goes through the roof even just trying to use iTunes to listen to music.

I need to get a new program to handle my music and interact with my iPods. Any one had good luck with a specific program? (Before I heave my laptop out the window?)

4:35AM - For extra credit, sing the theme song

I ran across this photo with comment on Go Fug Yourself about Natasha Bedingfield which made me chortle, out loud. And remember a dreamy, long long-ago day, with mechagojira, mightyferrite and pastrybitch, and at least one other nubile body, stretched out on our pullout couch in a worn student apartment. Mechagojira was stunning us all with his ability to not only name all the Holograms, but all the Misfits[0] as well.

I knew then he was Someone Special.


[0] Amusingly noted in the wikipedia entry for Jem, "(This group should not be confused with the real-life band The Misfits, led by Glenn Danzig.) "